When crazy isn’t stupid.

I did something crazy. I did something stupid. But the stupid thing wasn’t the crazy thing. Confused? It’s okay, keep reading and I’ll explain.

Lately my heart has been yearning for more, but “more” is such an ambiguous things, am I right? I got an idea of what more could be for me and I went for it. I talked to some people, I took necessary steps and I got my first progress mark towards my goal–and then I panicked a little and felt like I tanked the whole thing.

I think every human probably knows what I’m talking about. That gut wrenching feeling of shame, failure, frustration, and disappointment. Where do you go from there? Where do you go when you’re not perfect and your “more” is no longer in your capable hands?

In all honestly, the bible for me hasn’t always been my go-to with my quiet time. Sure it has wisdom and truth–but once you know the stories, then what? I read it because I’m supposed to but lately I’ve been working on changing that. I’ve been reading through the gospels trying to get to know Jesus better. Who was he? How did he interact with people? What do people that knew him best say about him?

Tonight I got to see the bible be crazy relevant. I started in Matthew 14 and read through some of the parables until I got to the one about Jesus walking on the water. I’ve read this story hundreds of times. I taught a whole summer of bible camp lessons on it. I’ve heard multiple sermons. But tonight, Jesus spoke to me through it in a way that I haven’t heard before.

I get to the part where Peter sees Jesus, starts walking on the water and then starts to sink and Jesus ever so gently says, “Allison you’re currently doing the same exact thing that Peter did.” WOAH.

I did something crazy and got out of my safe boat; I did something I shouldn’t be able to do.
Then, upon realizing what I had done, that I shouldn’t be doing this, and that it was incredibly risky–I did something stupid and I stopped keeping my eyes on Jesus and I started to sink.

Jesus had me happen to read this small little story so I could first have him hold out his hand and grab onto me, and then say to me ever so gently, “Why do you doubt?”

The story ends with them getting back in the boat and the wind immediately calms. And then they praise him saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

I’m still on the boat, not yet to my more, but tonight, I’m thankful for Jesus. Tonight I’m telling him again, “Truly you are the Son of God and I trust you.”